Hello my fellow sci-fi fans. Glad you could come back this week.

I am continuing with my favorite Cheesy Science Fiction movies from my childhood. Remember, I give each one a rating of “Cheese” which range from (best to worst): Cheddar, American, Government and Limburger.

In 1984, a movie was released which caused my dad and me many hours of fun. This movie, starring the late Robert Ulrich, Mary Crosby and the uber-talented Anjelica Houston, Michael D. Roberts and Ron Perlman, is a sci-fi comedy which pokes fun at so many things it’s just not right (case in point…space herpes. That’s what’s sitting on Percy the Robot’s shoulder in the below pic).

Ice Pirates

Ice Pirates, directed by Stewart Raffill, is the story of a far off future where water is the hottest commodity. So instead of stealing money and jewels, Jason (Ulrich), Roscoe (Roberts) and their intrepid band of pirates and truly jacked-up robots, steal large shipments of ice to sell on the black market.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, however you choose to look at it), Zorn captures Jason and Roscoe while attempting to escape after a raid. Zorn sends them to a slave market and Princess Karina (Crosby) saves them from becoming eunuchs (high voices and all).

Why would she save them? To have them help her find her missing father, why else? And what woman could resist Robert Ulrich as a pirate–yum yum.

Anyway, HAlarity, gun-fights, a time warp and swashbuckling high jinks ensue as this motley crew of madcap mercenaries risk their lives (and water) to find the fabled Seventh Planet full of water and the princess’s missing father.

Ice Pirates_2John Carradine plays the Supreme Commander (from a hospital bed),  Jeremy West plays the evil Zorn and the funny bone tickling, Bruce Vilanch plays the head only (yes, you read that correctly, he only has a head) Wendon who has been exiled to a planet with Amazonian women (some exile).

Here are a couple of quotes I like from the movie.

Killjoy: They don’t castrate clergy. Just in case.

Roscoe: Just in case of what?

Killjoy: Just in case there really is a god.


Jason: [being ushered away from the sleeping princess by his companions] Whatever happened to “we rape, we pillage”?


Ice Pirates_4Zeno: I hope no one minds but I have no intention of facing this sober.

This movie, back in the ’80’s made over $14 Million at the box office and was made on a $9 million budget. It is considered a comedy spin off of Star Wars.

I love this movie and watch it every chance I get. Because of my special love for it, I had to come up with a new rating. So this one gets a PEPPER JACK The Matrix Pepper Jack  rating! (Because that’s my 2nd favorite cheese besides hickory smoked Gouda).

This movie’s so funny, even the trailer will have you laughing!

Join me next week when I take you to the planet Rylos and the adventures of a teen-aged gamer who has been recruited to save the galaxy from the Ko-Dan Armada in “The Last Starfighter”.

Until then,

“Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?”
― Douglas AdamsThe Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy


Footage courtesy of via Deathdealus1984.  Movie produced by JF Productions and MGM.

Related Posts:

Ice Pirates Wallpaper:  (

Giant Robot Cheese (

The Forbidden Zone of Cheese (

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